How l got here

Did l have an option? Was there really another way out? Could l have survived? Did l even choose to end up in this place? Was l even enjoying this to begin with? l ask myself all these questions because people keep on judging me. “You should have done this. You should have done that. You like easy stuff, that’s why you are in this place right now,” they say.
Chased from home by my parents after finding out l was gay, l literally had nowhere to go. Well, some will ask why I didn’t go to one of my relatives. Of course l thought of it but who would take me in after hearing why l was chased away from home? True, there are some people who are open minded who would let me stay with them, but for how long would they be able to keep me? A day? Two? A month? Then what?
So, l called the one person who came to mind. The one l thought would come to my rescue. Oh yes you guessed right, “my boyfriend.” I would like to call this a wrong turn. Though he is not entirely to blame for all this, he also had no option, he stayed with his parents and was a student, so how could he bring an extra burden home? Besides, he couldn’t just rock up with me and say, “Mom, this is my wife. She is moving in with me!” That would have been the day! It would definitely render both of us homeless, making the problem bigger than it already was so he did what he thought was a solution to my predicament….
There we were in his friend’s house. I’ll call him Black because he remains the darkest person I have seen all my life. Well, it was just one room too small for my liking but I was not in a place to want a presidential suite given my situation. They had already discussed the issue over the phone so this was just him showing me where l was about to stay for some time while he organised something for me. At that time, he was the one with functional brains. l was just one confused human being wondering what was going to happen. What next? The worst had happened, or so I thought. Was there anything left? Truth be told, taking my life at this point seemed to make a whole lot of sense and I still wonder why I did not take that route.
For the first two days, l would sleep my problems away, wake up, bath and go back to sleep. Pretty monotonous but there was nothing else to do. No entertainment of any sort! Not that l needed it anyway! Sleeping was enough entertainment seeing as the owner of the room would be at work all day long and the place just the right one for my mood. Quiet and serene! l had no appetite so there was no need for me to cook during the day. Just sleep and more sleep…
I guess by the third day l had over spent my welcome. In the middle of the night, what they call the time of the devil, l felt like someone was touching me and indeed someone was touching me! It was the owner of that room! l jumped out of bed! I stood there, a multitude of questions racing in my head. What was going on? He was supposed to be my boyfriend’s friend and friends don’t betray each other! I was obviously naïve and still had a lot to learn. He gave me two options. I either had to leave that minute or l could stay and ‘enjoy’ paying my rent in kind. One may as well guess which option I settled for. It’s not like I had a choice anyway. This would be the beginning of a series of sexual violations against me.
The situation got worse. That room owner started bringing in his friends so we could have sex orgies as trios or even more. “The more the merrier,” he would say. l looked for ways to leave. It was not fun anymore. It was never fun to begin with. l looked myself in the mirror and saw my innocence vanish every single day. l was no longer the same. Life had taken the better of me. I looked for a job and kept telling myself to just apply for any advertised vacancy but as if all odds were against me, I either got no response or was blatantly turned down. What did l expect when even well-read people with masters’ degrees are jobless? Unemployment is a reality and finding a job with an unfinished A level record would just be as miraculous as it is impossible!
One faithful day as I choose to call it, one of Black’s friends came in the afternoon while he was at work. This was unusual as they always came together. As had become the norm, he started doing what they always do with his friend but this time l found my voice and said, “No!” That was before he said would pay me well. I was a bit skeptical at first but then again l could with a little cash. l had needs! I gladly accepted his offer and boy did he pay me heftily!? l suddenly had an epiphany! Why hadn’t I thought of it all this time? l had a free venue and Black had provided me with clientele! l would be able to raise money, write my A’level exams, pass and get a scholarship to go to university!
Oh well, we are all allowed to dream aren’t we? Apparently all I wished for were just dreams. I guess life doesn’t always work the way we hope it does. A few months down the road l was staying alone, paying my own rent, and affording my own meals. l had become a full time sex worker. This was the place l was at. This is as far as life has taken me.