Am l a terrible person? Was l that ungrateful? Did l deserve to be left out in the street? Was l the one who had caused all this? Or my crime was that l was outed before society and family? Was it so easy to blame it all on me since l was the gay guy in the house? Oooooh yes now l believe it that it’s easy to blame it all on someone. But what if it was fate? But then again my own destiny must be terrible. It all had to come out when l was now living there.
“I took you in when l knew the whole family was against you. How could l let you ruin your life staying in that horrible flat? You are still my brother’s child but is this how you repay me for my kindness?” That was my auntie shouting and throwing a fit. l had recently moved in with her and her family. In fact, I had bumped into her while standing on the touch line by fife Avenue and she had made me pack my bags and took me to her place. She promised to talk to my parents of course about how it was ok to accept me as l am.l was still their son after all. l guess its easy to accept someone’s homosexuality if they are not your own. Or maybe not. The idea of going back home made me forget that people don’t change overnight. This was the same auntie I knew since childhood. How could I forget that?
On this particular day she had walked in on my cousin (the older of her two sons) and I having…Well l see you all judging me right now thinking how I could possibly sleep with my own cousin. Trust me, l was the victim in all this. l might be gay but l have morals. l would not sleep with a relative. l am not that kind of a person but l had no choice in all this. I swear I did not.
Three days after l had moved into my aunt’s place l was sharing a room with my cousin this cousin in question. Guys take note here, he was older than me. He started asking all sorts of questions about being gay. l don’t think he is gay but he just wanted to know how it’s done. He was so hooked on these gay stories that he asked if what role I played during sex. l am the receiving partner and yes l did tell him that. That night during the night l felt his hands on my butt. l rushed to switch the lights on just to see what was going on. The nigga had a boner! Sorry guys but that’s where my attention went. Well explaining to him that l was his brother was apparently fruitless. He kept saying we weren’t blood related. I eventually gave in. Bullshit, l led him down there and truth be told it was nice. l promised myself it would never happen again but it became an every night thing. l swear l wanted to stop but the shit was too good to resist…
We were alone that day and auntie had left for the office. As it was, l was the new maid in the house. African relatives don’t just take you into their homes for free. You will need to do the dishes and all the house chores for food. l am not saying that was my case but l felt obliged. I was doing dishes in the kitchen when her son started the usual. I responded and it went down. We didn’t care to lock the doors. Well, how would we know that she would be back around 10 in the morning and walk right in on us.
Damn! Damn! She threw things around like a mad woma. Well she was mad woman but this was too much. Her anger was justified though. She brought a gay person into her house and he turned her straight son into being gay. l guess that story was more believable than any other. l had turned her straight son into being gay but did l actually turn her son or l am just a victim? How could I say no to the son of the person who gave me shelter? What kind of ingratitude would that be?
I didn’t wait for her to throw me right back into the streets. She went out to look for airtime in a state of outrage. l guess she wanted to call the husband or a friend. Il am very positive all they would advise her was to take me back where she found me. I made sure by the time she came back l had already left her house and back where she had taken me from…
I don’t know why l feel so much guilt over this. She gave me everything and the best. All l did in return was sleep with her son. What kind of a person am l? Who would want to live with me after this? My own parents threw me out of their house and the only person who still believed in me, oh well, l did the worst to her…Now what?
lifewithLance 